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She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. Her writing focuses on politics, culture, relationships, and health, and she has been published at The Week, Bustle, PopSugar, Reader’s Digest, and more. If it’s the first, and someone doesn’t want to date you once you tell them you have a mental illness, then shame on them.

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If you are worried about saying the wrong thing or hurting your partner, this is normal. Being with someone with mental health issues can be especially difficult to navigate in the beginning of the relationship when trust is still being built and you may not be familiar with their condition. Encourage outside support and know that you alone can’t fix it.Seeing people we love in pain is hard, especially when we can’t relate to their struggle. We may want to fix their problems and be their support system. But the truth is that no one person can fix another, no one person can alone support the weight of their own burdens and someone else’s.

But when it comes to talking about potential partners, most people don’t mention how to approach dating and loving someone with mental illness. This is something that we should definitely be talking about. We all get worried and stressed; however his day-to-day anxiety has a hit a record high. He may have a mental health issue if the anxiety is constant and interferes all the time.

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If we’re avoiding dealing with our issues, we’re going to date the person with the MOST issues so we can work through our own issues vicariously through them. Mania or psychosis will likely do worse long-term damage to your relationship than a low libido. Take your time and work with your doctor to reduce negative side effects. Second-generation (“atypical”) anti-psychotics have fewer sexual side effects, for instance, and sometimes simply changing to a different medication can reduce or eliminate side effects.

But somehow it doesn’t seem quite enough when you’re taking the first steps toward asking someone to love you for better or for worse. I come with more worse than most people, and it’s only fair that I’m honest about that. While it’s definitely OK to have the occasional drink, take care of a partner who seems to be turning to alcohol on a more regular basis. “Many people with mental health issues have learned various ways to cope with their symptoms,” licensed counselor Monte Drenner tells Bustle. “Individuals with anxiety or depression, for example, realize that ‘something is off’ but choose to medicate their symptoms rather than address them.” Q. My partner and I have been together for about ten months now.

The person runs from problems rather than dealing with them appropriately. Your prospective partner changes their phone number unexpectedly, and you find out it’s to avoid debt collection calls. Or perhaps they’re behind on their mortgage, but instead of facing up to the situation and working with the lender, they try to dodge the issue. Look out for when you express a comment that would usually elicit some type of empathic or supportive response, and the person drifts off-topic to talking about themselves. Therefore, I’m not saying you should immediately write off people who have any of the following attributes, but be thoughtful about your decisions. You’re in the midst of a life stage in which something is incredibly demanding of your time (e.g., you’re a new doctor doing your residency).

You can even consult a family law professional to do the same if you have shared custody of the children. You may have found your partner not doing their regular chores properly. They might be missing things or struggling to maintain their everyday schedule for a few days. If you can’t figure it out on your own, talk to a therapist. Feelings during the resolution (post-coital) stage of sex are generally positive, but even after satisfying consensual sex, some people feel bad.

They might use certain activities to avoid their feelings, responsibilities, or anything else that causes them stress. If a person has enabling parents, family, or friends who support them financially well into adulthood, they might be able to continue to avoid work. An immature person might prefer to spend time with others who also lack emotional maturity, as these individuals are less likely to question, criticize, or challenge their behavior. The unhealthy dynamic usually starts in childhood and is sometimes referred to as enmeshment. You might recognize some common immature behaviors in your male partner, but these behaviors are not specific to men.

Her TEDx talk, “The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong,” is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Doing things for people that they could do for themselves is enabling, not helping. Remind yourself that you’re not doing anyone any favors when you’re working harder at solving their problems than they are. And there’s nothing wrong with dating someone who is invested in self-improvement.

Substance Abuse

You have a feeling something isn’t right, but you’re confused because you knew the two of you had a great connection. You may analyze your last interaction with such scrutiny that Sherlock Holmes would be proud. You secretly hope that perhaps their phone was run over or stolen and that you’ll hear from them any day now.